


Teaching the Indie Kids to Joust Again

by Aja



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Merlin (TV), Merlin (TV) RPF, RPF - Fandom
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Epilogue, Humor, M/M, Meta, Queer Themes, RPF, RPS - Freeform, Screenplay/Script Format, Sexual Identity, Show Business, Unconventional Style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-16
Updated: 2009-03-16
Packaged: 2017-10-25 22:01:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/275293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aja/pseuds/Aja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>~ If the Mountain will not go to the sea then the river must bring them together.~</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teaching the Indie Kids to Joust Again

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://tl--dr.livejournal.com/profile)[**tl__dr**](http://tl--dr.livejournal.com/) & [](http://arboretum.livejournal.com/profile)[**arboretum**](http://arboretum.livejournal.com/) , who rescued this fic from its author, and the fabulous [](http://loftily.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://loftily.livejournal.com/)**loftily** , who rescued Bradley from himself. ♥
> 
> P.S. cave scene stolen from _Avatar_. *waves teensy Zuko/Aang flag*  
>  P.P.S. This fic has not been britpicked or idiot-proofed, so feel free to point out any errors.  
> (However, I did put in a million space breaks and thus feel karma is on my side.)  
> P.P.P.S. get your own love banner [here.](http://euraylie.livejournal.com/32978.html)
> 
> Also, I most especially have to thank [](http://suaine.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://suaine.livejournal.com/)**suaine** , because this fic wouldn't be what it is without her beautiful and transcendent Epilogue, which is meaningful beyond words, and which elevates my stupid little crackfic into something I'm proud to say I wrote. Thank you.

  
Teaching the Indie Kids to Joust Again

  
  
     ON THE BEANSTALK

                              ARTHUR (CONT'D)

                You just couldn't help but go off  
                exploring, could you. You had to climb  
                the bloody beanstalk.

  
      MERLIN has his arms wrapped around ARTHUR's waist as they  
      climb down - he slips and nearly falls but Arthur catches  
      him. They wind up clinging to the beanstalk and each other.

  
                              MERLIN

               Your father was going to wipe out  
               all of Mercia if we didn't do some-  
               thing to stop the giant!

                              ARTHUR

               That's the part that seems to have  
               eluded you, the part with the GIANT!

                              MERLIN

               Oh, as if you wouldn't have gone  
               yourself.

                              ARTHUR

               And climb a sodding beanpole, are  
               you out of your stupid head? What  
               do you think I am, some kind of  
               reckless, thrill-seeking - look,  
               never mind.

                              GIANT (O.S.)

                **Fee Fi Fo Fum.**

                              ARTHUR

               Did you... hear that?

                              MERLIN

               Did I just hear a bloodthirsty  
               ravenous man-eating magical creature  
               say "Fee Fi Fo Fum?" Don't think  
               so, no.

                              GIANT (O.S.)

                **I smell human blood.**

                              ARTHUR

               Merlin.

                              MERLIN

               Yes?

  
      They exchange a meaningful look.

  
                              ARTHUR

               Go.

  
The thing with Bradley starts (more or less) in broad daylight one afternoon three hours into filming a scene where they have to climb a giant beanstalk.

No, seriously. It's not even CG'd because their location scout Andrea found this, uh, sterile vine, as she called it, and then the set designers cut it down, moved it to a better spot for filming, and kind of hoisted it up on a dolly. Now they're about thirty feet off the ground in a meadow a mile or so from the castle, and Bradley's supposed to be arguing with Colin, only his feet are about an inch away from Colin's face (Colin's following him up the beanpole, see, because that's what Merlin does), and Bradley keeps trying to look at Colin over his shoulder, which doesn't work because every time he looks down he starts laughing. Which is a fantastic look for Bradley but not so much for Arthur, Prince of Camelot - especially as they're supposed to be escaping from a giant.

No one seems to be noticing that Bradley can't keep a straight face today to save his life, probably because they keep having to adjust the camera every five seconds, which is what happens when you try to film a _giant beanstalk_ from the _ground up_.

Halfway into the second hour the ridiculousness of it all starts to get to Colin, and he gets the giggles too. Then Bradley tries to muss Colin's hair using his boot, then Colin tries to knock Bradley off the dolly, then Dave calls for a break and Bradley scoots down to Colin's level and tries to tickle him, and then they both lose their balance and nearly fall off, and Bradley catches Colin and clutches him and buries his face against Colin's collar, giggling so hard Colin can feel his shoulders shaking.

"Why are we even on a beanstalk anyway?" Bradley asks Colin. "How can that possibly be a meaningful contribution to the plot?"

Colin covers his mouth with his sleeve, manages, "I don't know, maybe - " Bradley chokes a little like he's trying to recover but can't - "maybe it's Giant Phallic Symbol Day and they forgot to remind us."

Bradley looks up, masks his expression, and says with a passably straight face, "Oh, no, no, no, Colin. I'd never forget Giant Phallic Symbol Day."

Colin tries to make a reply, tries to match Bradley's deadpanning, opens his mouth, and absolutely can't. So much for witty banter, he thinks amid a new stream of laughter.

Bradley claps him on the shoulder. "IT'S OKAY, MERLIN," he says in Stentorian Arthur-Voice. "I UNDERSTAND YOU WANT ME TO CLIMB YOUR BEANPOLE. YOU ARE A DEMANDING MANSERVANT, BUT JUST THIS ONCE I'LL ALLOW IT."

Colin shakes his head and escapes down the ladder. Bradley grins down at him and then turns to face the cameras. He pounds his chest once and then raises his arm.

"BE IT HITHERTO KNOWN THAT PRINCE ARTHUR OF CAMELOT HAS BEEN CLIMBING HIS MANSERVANT'S BEANSTALK FOR GOING ON, LIKE, THREE HOURS, AND HAST FOUND IT TO BE NOT ALL THAT UNPLEASANT, MAYBE EVEN SOMETHING TO TRY AGAIN LATER WHEN HIS HANDS AREN'T QUITE SO CHAFED FROM ALL THE GRIPPING."

(Years from now Colin will tell people that he fell in love with Bradley the first time they kissed - a kiss which technically doesn't even count because it was Bradley's arselike way of ending an argument - not because it isn't kind of true in a way, but because he'll frankly die before he admits that possibly it was standing there watching Bradley make phallic motions with his vambraced fist that did it. )

  
Colin definitely does not fall in love with Bradley James while standing on the balcony of a castle.

They're trying to finish shooting before nightfall, and it's not looking likely so everyone's a bit on edge. But Colin thinks it's really quite pleasant out here this time of day - spring finally arrived, all the tops of the trees budding, and the sun setting behind them turning everything a daisy turquoise pinkish.

Bradley scratches his head and looks bored, and Colin says, "So, what'll you do after? For summer?"

Bradley laughs and bumps Colin's shoulder. "Sleep in for once."

Colin laughs and says, "Yeah."

Bradley grins. "Plus I plan to go on lots and lots of talk shows with my good friend Colin Morgan!" He ruffles Colin's hair, which earns him a shout from Vicky not to go mussing Merlin before they wrap. He lets go and Colin ducks away.

"Yeah, sure, alright," Colin says, "we can do the whole junket."

"YEAH!" says Bradley, catching Colin's arm and raising it in the air. "JUNKET!"

Colin laughs out loud. Bradley chucks him on the chin when he lets go Colin's hand.

It happens just like that, that fast, the urge Colin has to lean over and kiss Bradley's jaw line up to the swatch of blond hair at his temple.

It startles him. He shifts and leans out again, over the balcony. Bradley turns and gives him an appraising look.

"You'll do fine," Bradley says, apropos of nothing. "I know you'll be lost without me, Morgan, but you'll survive. Your kind always does."

Colin isn't going to laugh, not in the middle of his great gay epiphany. He manages: "What's my kind like, then."

Bradley snorts. "Ridiculously popular with the ladies for no discernible reason whatsoever."

Colin nearly chokes. "Yeah, I wondered why Katie's been bursting into tears whenever she sees me this week."

Bradley laughs. "The real question is, how will any of us survive the long summer without having to protect you from getting sunburnt."

Colin looks back at Bradley. His stupid hair clips the setting sun, gets nicked on the edge of it, and catches alight. Colin smiles.

"I don't know," he says, "but you can't slack off just yet. I feel warmer already."

  
                              MERLIN (CONT'D)

               Hello? I went to Arthur. He wouldn't  
               listen to me. He never listens to me.  
               You were wrong again - I don't know why  
               I'm even still talking to you.

  
      The DRAGON appears and settles on a rock.

  
                              DRAGON

               This man stands between Arthur and Destiny.  
               You must act quickly.

                              MERLIN

               But how is Arthur supposed to become a  
               great king if he doesn't know who to trust?

                              DRAGON

               You cannot make those decisions for him,  
               young warlock. Do not let your jealousy  
               of this newcomer override your reason.

                              MERLIN

               Then how - wait - I'm not jealous! Arthur  
               needs all the counsel he can get. I mean,  
               he is a complete idiot.

  
      The DRAGON snorts at him and gives him a meaningful look.

  
                              MERLIN (CONT'D)

               It's just - this Balric chap, he's good at  
               everything - like Lancelot, only with Lancelot  
               you always knew where you stood. With Balric  
               around, I don't know where I fit in. But if  
               Arthur won't listen to me - what am I to do?

                              DRAGON

               If the Mountain will not go to the sea then the  
                river must bring them together.

                              MERLIN (CONT'D)

               Huh?

  
      The DRAGON begins to fly away.

  
                              DRAGON

               Trust in Arthur, young Warlock. Without  
               his other half, Camelot cannot be whole.

                              MERLIN

               Yeah, well, right now his other half has to go  
               mend his shirts. Just in case you were wondering  
               how that whole intertwining destiny thing's  
               coming along!

  
Bradley's got Colin backed up against the wall - no, no, _Arthur_ has _Merlin_ backed up against the wall, and this is Merlin's heart beating too fast, not Colin's - it's Merlin who can't think what he wants right now, Merlin who's reacting to Arthur's anger, not Bradley's delivery, not Bradley standing too close, leaning right up in Colin's face, almost like - almost as if they could -

Bradley stops short, livid and breathless, and there's a moment when Colin forgets where he is, who he is supposed to be, what he is supposed to want -

\- what his next line is -

Er.

"Cut!" Stuart yells, and Colin expels a breath of pure relief, laughing a bit sheepishly. He expects Bradley to laugh with him, but Bradley is still into the scene, still looking at him with too-sharp eyes. Colin is held in place by his stare, the same even look that could pin a planet into place, ground an eagle in mid-flight. The focused authority that won him the role of the kingliest of kings.

Colin determines he can spare a moment before he pushes Bradley away. He lets himself take one long look, raking in the shape of Bradley's jaw when it's clenched shut, his shoulder blades tensed and rigid, muscled enough to bear chain mail like gauze. He always looks amazing, Colin thinks, but there's no word for what he becomes like this, as Arthur; himself but so much more, outfitted as a king, so that even the tilt of his chin is stronger, so that even the purse of his lips carries a touch more disdain or gentleness or weariness - sometimes all at once.

He was chosen for his beauty, and there are moments, like this one, when it’s all Colin can see. It's so easy to play a star-struck, love-blinded servant, he thinks a bit ruefully. It doesn't take much acting at all.

"Do we need to run lines?" Bradley says - murmurs, more like. He's still got his arm propped against the wall next to Colin's head, and Colin could push him away, but the wall's quite comfortable, really.

"Nah, just got distracted," Colin says, and tries again for a laugh. It's not quite as nervous as the first round, at least. "It's just so mesmerizing watching you try to act."

Bradley breaks into a grin, and all Arthurian traces scatter just like that. "I get that a lot, you're right. I must be starting to get the hang of it."

"S'very entertaining, I'll give you that much."

He'd thought Bradley was leaning in close, but that's just because Bradley hadn't _leaned in closer._

_Oh._

"Oh, Morgan," he says, with a wink. "I can be _very_ entertaining."

"Can you, now."

"Yes, yes, I can."

"And yet you do realize that was the worst fake come-on ever."

Bradley tries to look hurt, and Colin elbows his arm to nudge him away. "God, no wonder they cast you in the part where all you have to do is stand there and look manly."

"I can do seductive!" Bradley protests, following him out of the set. "No, really, I can! Watch!"

Colin turns around and quirks an eyebrow, waiting. Bradley manages a straight face for all of half an instant, and then they're both laughing too hard to do anything else but clutch each other stupidly and laugh harder.

Then it's action, and it's another three takes before the laughter stops.

At one point during the final take, Arthur leans into Merlin even closer than before, Bradley's fingers almost brushing Colin's cheek.

This time Colin doesn't let it distract him.

  
      IN ARTHUR'S CHAMBERS

                              ARTHUR (CONT'D)

               Oh, Come on, Merlin! You know why I  
               have to go.

  
      MERLIN has been helping ARTHUR into his armor but he  
stops.

  
                              MERLIN

               No. I can't. I can't be a part of this.

                              ARTHUR

               You would disobey a direct order? From  
               your prince?

                              MERLIN

               I would do anything you asked me to - you  
               know I would. But I won't - I can't - let  
               you ride off to certain death.

                              ARTHUR

               I have to go. My people -

                              MERLIN

               Your people need you to live! I... need  
               you to live.

                              ARTHUR

               You... need me?

                              MERLIN

               Don't let it go to your head. I'll never be  
               able to get your stupid helmet off.

  
      He finishes fastening Arthur's armor, then hesitates.

  
                              MERLIN (CONT'D)

               Arthur. Please don't go.

                              ARTHUR

               Merlin... I...

  
      They exchange a meaningful look.

  
                              ARTHUR (CONT'D)

               Make sure to have the armory completely  
               re-outfitted by the time I'm back. Even  
               someone with your incompetence ought to be  
               able to manage that much.

  
"Oy," Bradley asks Colin, after barging into Colin's hotel room, during the third week of Colin's Definitely Not Being in Love. "What are you looking so happy about?"

Colin's stretched out reading the latest shooting script. He doesn't bother to look up. "I don't know what you're talking about," he says with a light smile.

Bradley's eyes narrow, and he hops onto the bed next to Colin. "Come on, tell me. Is this about Angel and the pole dancer?"

"No, it's not about - what?"

Bradley waggles his eyebrows.

"You're joking," Colin says.

"Am not," Bradley says smartly. "Word is she was very bendy."

"Who, Angel or the dancer?"

"Take your pick."

"Right," Colin mumbles.

"So? Something's put a smile on your face, must be good." Bradley lies back and tucks his hands behind his head. Colin notices the spread of his stomach muscles beneath his shirt and looks away immediately. He's not looking, he's not noticing. Really.

Bradley pokes him in the leg with his foot.

"It's really nothing," Colin says, "just a good mood. Did you bring your script or do you want to look off my copy?"

"Don't change the subject, Morgan," and Bradley pulls his own script out of his pocket and uses it to thwap Colin lightly on the head. "You're all, I dunno - strange and aloof lately, and then I come in here and find you grinning like an idiot for no reason." He pauses. "Unless the script really is that good."

Colin snorts.

"Right," says Bradley. He rolls over to face Colin and switches into his 'I-secretly-have-a-hidden-mature-side-that-I-only-show-you-to-prove-that-I- _care_ ' voice. "I understand if it's none of mine, but you know you can always tell me if you ever need to, you know. Gossip." He nudges Colin's thigh again with his knee, and Colin can't help but smile.

He can't find a reason to put a moratorium on smiles. He's already put a moratorium on private moments alone on the balcony, standing too close to Bradley during filming, and giving Bradley excuses to touch him, tickle him, or follow him around bopping him on the head with his scabbard. They've all been tricky enough to manage without looking aloof; the last thing Colin's going to do is shut Bradley out just because they happen to wind up alone together.

In a hotel room. Lying down together on a bed.

He swallows. Okay, right, so maybe the avoidance plan hasn't been working out so well.

He pulls away and sits up. Next to him, Bradley goes still for a moment, so slightly, and for no reason at all a shot of hope spirals weirdly through Colin.

He comes to a sudden decision. "It's just," he says.

"Go on," Bradley says lightly, but his eyes hold Colin's in earnest. Colin opens his mouth, hears himself speaking.

"Right. And - and it's okay if it makes things awkward, because what's a little awkwardness among friends, right? Right."

Bradley sits up immediately. "Who said anything about friends?"

Colin draws a blank at that, managing a feeble, "Um," before Bradley snickers and waves the joke away. He really, really should not get to be so charming without even trying. It should at least be something one has to work at, like body-building or swordplay.

"Just one thing," Bradley says. God, his eyes go all crinkly round the edges, it's not _fair_ , Colin thinks miserably, before Bradley leans over and takes his hand in mock seriousness. "If you're going to tell me about your passionate love for me, it's all right. I already know."

Colin stares at him. Bradley continues, oblivious, "I mean, I knew it from the moment we first read together. You were destined to find me irresistible. I understand, it happens. The important thing is not to be ashamed of your love for me."

It must hit Bradley all at once that there's no answering laughter from Colin, who's still just staring at him, because he finally looks up, sees Colin's face, and hesitates. "And not to... not to pay any attention to what I just said," he finishes weakly, dropping Colin's hand and resting his own on Colin's knee instead. "I - do you - oh my god, you do, don't you."

Colin had rather thought that you grew out of mortification like this, that presumably by the time one was a successful tv star with a title role in a network series, one developed a certain natural suavity, a _je ne sais quois_ that helped one avoid such disastrous moments of ineptitude as confessing to your co-star that you're not really in love with them, really, just sort of fancy them a bit, honestly.

As it is, he can't even _confess_ properly. Leave it to Bradley to ensure that this is all as awkward as humanly possible.

Colin pushes himself off the bed, somewhat jerkily because his legs have gone all wobbly. Stupid, he thinks, and forces out a laugh he doesn't feel. "Look," he says. "It's just - I thought maybe if you knew, it'd be easier... you know, reading lines and hanging out together." Bradley's face hasn't lost its shell-shocked look, so Colin adds desperately, "I just wanted to be honest with you."

Bradley lets out a deep breath and says, "Colin," in a voice loaded with confusion and pity and a number of other very unfortunate things, none of which Colin particularly wants to hear. He starts to back out of the room but Bradley flounders to his feet and follows.

"So, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow," Colin tries, but Bradley's already there with his hand against the door, telling Colin to wait. Colin tries to reach around and twist the door knob free, but Bradley leans hard, and Colin only manages to rattle it a little. He sighs.

"Look at me," Bradley says - and now he really is serious, all laughter gone. Colin obeys, feeling a twinge of guilt at how easy it is to do. Seriously, he really doesn't have to act at all to play Merlin, does he? It's kind of revolting. Then he thinks about obeying Bradley in other things, and feels a twinge of something completely different.

"How long?" Bradley asks.

Colin glances up - oh, rotter, his eyes have gone all soft and sincere and dark - and then away again and down at the floor. The carpet makes a much better listener than Bradley James anyway, he's sure of it. "Maybe - maybe a month," he mumbles. Bradley leans in and catches his elbow, pressing it gently.

"Colin." His voice has gone soft to match his eyes. "It's okay."

Oh, god, Colin thinks. He once got a speech like this from the captain of the debate team. It had been awful enough then, and clearly it isn't going to gain any points for eloquence coming out of Bradley's mouth.

"You don't have to- " he begins, but Bradley just shushes him and puts a finger on his lips. Colin goes still and resigns himself.

Bradley looks at him a moment longer and then says, almost sweetly, "You are the nicest guy I've ever known."

Colin looks up at him in utter disbelief. Bradley adds, completely missing the point, "Sickening, I know. But look - " Colin tries to scoot away and Bradley grips his shirt sleeve and tugs him right back. "No, seriously, I don't - " he makes a face. "If I were into guys, you'd be the first person I'd - " he waves a hand vaguely. "That I'd - you know."

Colin always thought jawdrops were a cliché that didn't really happen, but apparently he's been wrong about a lot of things.

And, clearly, he chose "utter disbelief" too soon.

There's humiliation at the hands of normal people, people with brains attached to their bodies, and then there's humiliation at the hands of Bradley James. How he could have forgotten the difference, Colin has no idea, probably something to do with too much beanpole-climbing.

His mouth has gone dry, but he manages to spit out, "You _are_ into guys."

Bradley looks at him blankly. "Sorry?"

Colin grips the doorknob harder, as it's there and handy and more or less beats strangling co-stars. "Everyone knows that," he says.

Bradley lets out a bark of laughter. He looks a little stunned.

"You're always snogging men," Colin says slowly. "We've all seen you." Bradley just stares. This is really, really too much, Colin thinks. "You were just having it on with one of the grips last week! And that boy last year, at the pub we all went to in Wales - "

"Yeah, but - " Bradley looks like Colin's just told him he's quitting the show. "But those were all jokes. You know, like - " intense hand-waving - "like _jokes_!"

"Oh, right," says Colin a bit coldly. "I must have missed the laughing, what with you having your tongue down their throats and all."

Bradley's mouth twists unhappily at that, and Colin's stomach does a completely treacherous lurch. "Look, it's fine," he says, trying to bury the hardness in his voice and not quite succeeding. He'd never expected anything from Bradley in return, but he definitely hadn't expected to be mocked. "It'll pass, anyway. It needn't affect our working relationship."

His other hand finds the doorknob and he's gotten Bradley so thrown off that this time he actually manages to open the door. He slides out into the hallway, grateful for the air and the light and the not-Bradleyness.

"Wait," Bradley says, a little hollowly. Colin hopes he's not going to say something ridiculous, or remind Colin that he's running away from his _own_ hotel room. But Bradley just says: "And what about our friendship?"

Colin can count the number of times in his life he's said something well and truly nasty, something he couldn't take back without months of groveling and abject apology, and in some cases never could take back at all. It's a thankfully small number, and he's always tried hard to keep it that way.

But just now there's something dark and bitter twisting inside him and waiting to lash out like one of Valiant's snakes - pride or hurt or something worse Colin doesn't really want to think about. Before he can stop himself, he hears his own voice answer, calm and cold, "Who said anything about friends?" and lets the door shut behind him on Bradley's stricken face.

______

  
Angel sees him lurking about stupidly in stupid hallways half an hour or so later, stops, says, "Oh, Colin, Colin," and drags him off to the nearest pub. There she sits and pats his hand occasionally and doesn't ask him what's wrong, and Colin wishes bitterly he'd had the good sense to go and fall in love with her instead, because at least _she's_ not the type to go around kissing people for the sheer entertainment value.

"What?" she says blankly. "Yes! No! Well. I mean. There was the dancer." Colin looks up at her sharply, and the dregs of his embittered soul must be plain on his face, because she quickly adds hastily, "But it was all mutual, and anyway you'd never go 'round kissing people you didn't love. Er. You haven't, have you?"

"No," says Colin darkly, turning back to his beer. "No, I don't love anyone."

"That's not true!" Angel pats him on the hand again, just like Bradley had patted him on the knee. "You love your family. And me. And Katie and Bradley."

Colin snorts. "Right."

Out of the corner of his eye Colin sees Angel narrow her eyes at him. If he bothered to look up from his glass, he guesses he'd find it's one of those shrewd looks women get when they're seeing all the things you aren't saying. He doesn't look up, though. Beer has really a hypnotic sort of brownness to it. You can just stare at it and see it getting brownier and swirlier and beerier the longer you look. Ooh, and if you shake it it gets all frothy. Whee.

"I know something else you love, too," Angel says, evidently choosing to ignore whatever damning conclusions she's reached from watching Colin study the foam in his mug.

"Yeah?" he asks disinterestedly. She sighs.

"You love Merlin," she says.

Colin does look up then.

Angel gives him a smile. "The character, I mean."

Colin thinks about this. "He's kinda stupid," he volunteers after a moment.

Angel's smile gets bigger. "You love him because he's got a big heart and he tries so hard to be good to his friends," she says. "You love him because he cares so much, like you, and you're both always trying to become better people."

Colin frowns. "I guess," he says. "Maybe?" He thinks of what he said to Bradley earlier, and can't picture the resemblance at all. "I'm nothing like Merlin, though," he says gloomily.

"Not even a little bit?" Angel prompts. Colin wishes she'd quit patting him on the arm, but it feels a bit nice for all that. "Not even when he does dumb things and then runs around trying to fix them?"

"Nope." Colin sloshes his mug for emphasis. Angel covers her mouth with her hand and giggles. "I'm not running around fixing anything. Nothing to fix anyway."

"All right, Colin," Angel says. Angel sounds - well, she sounds some word he can't quite think of right now, but he knows it's an annoying word. Also, Colin suspects he is slightly drunk.

"Just because I'm nice doesn't mean I'm _nice_ ," he scowls. "I mean, for all you know, _I_ could be the one going around breaking people's hearts and saying unfixable things. It doesn't always have to be him just because he's the one with the - " he gestures sagely at the bar counter. " - the, you know. All the. Hair."

There's a slight pause, and Angel asks gently, "You mean Bradley?"

Colin leans back in his chair and does not answer, does not write an invisible image on the ceiling of Bradley looking like he'd been gut-punched when Colin left him.

"Oh, Colin," Angel says again, and doesn't mention fixing anything after that.

  
Colin's hangover is a violent reminder of why he generally sucks at debauchery of any kind, even when he's only debauching himself. Angel had taken him back to his hotel room and kissed him on the forehead before putting him to bed, and Colin had only had time to spare a grateful thought that Bradley hadn't still been in his room waiting for him when he got back before falling promptly asleep.

When he awakes, however, the pieces of his brain that aren't wriggling around crying out for water and more sleep and possibly cyanide are full of worry. He has a long shooting schedule today, and (of course) most of it will be spent with Bradley.

Who, incidentally, looks drawn and miserable, and has to spend an extra half hour with makeup just to cover up the circles under his eyes.

(Which Colin only knows because _he_ has to spend the extra half-hour erasing the red-eyed hungover look, but that's hardly relevant.)

It's the first day of shooting for the latest episode, which is (of course) so ridiculously homoerotic you could replace all the chain mail with neon pink spangles and no one would even notice. It's bad enough that Julian 2 is all over the script, but Colin realizes once he's on set that he has no idea who's directing today, and if it's Stuart...

 _Please_ , he thinks, directing his prayer to whatever gods watch over brokenhearted actors and ridiculously gay television series. _Please don't let it be Stuart._

Of course it's Stuart.

Five hours later they're sharing a sleeping bag in an _actual cave_ \- seriously, there's filming on location and then there's filming in a bloody _grotto_ with _real live bats_ \- and Arthur and Merlin are huddling together for warmth while a CG blizzard rages just outside.

"Okay, Colin, could you scoot closer to Bradley?" asks Stuart.

Colin, very stiffly, so as not to send Bradley into any unseemly fits of gay panic, does so.

Bradley, equally stiffly, does not react at all, with gay panic or any other kind of panic, or even Look-I'm-not-panicking-now-can-we-please-go-back-to-normal-ness.

"Bradley, can you move your head in toward - yeah, that's right. You're sharing body heat so you won't die, make it look convincing."

There's an awkward moment where Bradley rearranges the blankets around them, careful not to brush Colin's legs with his own. "This good?" he calls.

"Great," says Stuart.

And then they have to lie there for forty-five minutes while five different camera angles and sixteen different lights are adjusted.

They're well into minute thirty-eight or so, each having stuck to his own side of the wall of silence, when Bradley inhales and says, too cheerily, "Well, at least now we know how awkward it can get. We've done the whole uncomfortable first meeting, gotten that out of the way. Now we can just... move on." He says it casually, but Colin can hear the question that doesn't quite stay out of Bradley's voice.

"Right," Colin answers flatly.

There's some shifting around behind him and then Bradley touches Colin on the shoulder - warm and spread wide, his fingertips just brushing the edge of Colin's throat. Colin flinches but Bradley doesn't take his hand away. "Look," he begins, and Colin can't help but snap, "I don't need you to apologize."

"Evidently, you _do_ ," Bradley bites back, and then Colin is twisting away from him, just enough to get out from under Bradley's hold on him and send Stuart into a fit about undoing the last hour of camerawork.

"Fine," Colin mutters, sliding back again, mutinously close to Bradley this time, silently daring Bradley to touch him again. This is a stupid scene in a stupid show, and there must be better ways to make a career than this. Their blankets are stifling, Bradley's body next to him doesn't bear thinking about, and it's all a bit too much for Colin, who tucks his hand under his head and closes his eyes.

"Cols," Bradley says next to him - half-whispers, really. "I really am sorry. I was an idiot. Total ass."

Colin doesn't say anything.

"But you know me. You know I would never ever have hurt you if I'd had a choice."

Colin freezes. He can't answer that, so he doesn't. Even with his back to him he can tell when Bradley's shoulders slump.

"Just," Bradley says. "Could you at least give me some time?"

After a moment, Colin shrugs.

"Time for what?" he says. "Nothing's changed."

Next to him Bradley goes suddenly, awfully quiet, and that brief surge of hope flares again in Colin's ribcage. He shuts his eyes against it. He doesn't know what Bradley wants from him, and he's too tired of the whole thing already to bother figuring out.

Fifteen minutes later they're ready to roll scene, and Colin lets himself pretend, just for a moment or two, that all the words Arthur is whispering in Merlin's ear as he sleeps, all the things he is saying and all the things he isn't, are real.

  
IN THE CAVE

ARTHUR (CONT'D)

We're lucky the candle hasn't burnt out yet.

  
MERLIN murmurs and turns in the blankets next to ARTHUR.  
ARTHUR drags the candle closer to them and burrows down.  
He studies MERLIN while MERLIN tries to sleep.

  
MERLIN (MUMBLING)

Arthur, don't - don't go near them.

ARTHUR

Merlin? Are you all right?

MERLIN

Arthur...

ARTHUR (SOOTHING)

It's all right. It's all right, Merlin.  
You can sleep. I'm here. We're alive.

  
MERLIN gradually relaxes. ARTHUR continues to watch him.

  
ARTHUR (CONT'D)

You really are the worst manservant alive.  
You can't cook, you can't fight, you can  
barely ride a horse. I'm embarrassed to be  
seen with you in polite company.

  
He reaches out and strokes MERLIN's hair as he speaks.

  
ARTHUR (CONT'D)

And yet, you're just - there's just  
something about you. I don't think I ever  
met anyone who was as dumb as you  
and still so - I don't even know  
what to make of you half the time. I just  
know that if I ever - if we ever weren't -  
I don't think I could bear it. I don't think  
I could bear to -

  
He gives MERLIN a long, meaningful look.

  
ARTHUR (CONT'D)

Well. Good night. Clod.

  
A week passes. Angel doesn't tell anyone about whatever isn't happening between Bradley and Colin.

Who aren't speaking to each other.

Which is perfectly fine with Colin. Really.

Then, on Monday, this is what happens:

* Angel announces she's dating the pole dancer  

  

* Who turns out to be quite lovely  

  

* Which they learn because she drops by the set that afternoon  

  

* And asks quite loudly, "What's with those two, lover's tiff?"
  

* Bradley and Colin, to whom, of course, Angel's pole dancer (whose name is Katie, and Colin's not touching that one) is referring, turn automatically red and disappear into their trailers  

  

* Which of course is taken as proof that they _are_ , in fact, having a lover's tiff.  

  

* Richard turns up in the afternoon and attempts to _console_ Colin, which attempt is thwarted by the fact that  

  

* Colin has no idea what he's talking about for ten minutes, until Richard gets to "this too shall pass," at which point Colin suddenly sits straight up, says, "You've got to be joking," and storms out of his trailer to find Bradley  

  

* who is in his listening to Ashley Tisdale ("why can't you be good to me?") and doing Sudoku.

Colin more or less barges in and says, "You are a complete arse and I don't want to work with you!" and stands there.

Bradley looks at him for a moment like he's just stopped in from Mars, then puts on a scowl and says, "Well, I don't want to work with you either, not like this!"

"So bloody fix it!" says Colin.

"I asked you for time and you said no!" says Bradley.

"This is complete bollocks," says Colin. "I can't believe I ever thought I was in love with you."

"Same here," snaps Bradley. "Wait, what?"

"Oh, shut up," says Colin, and storms back to his own trailer.

Where Richard is waiting patiently.

"As I was saying," Richard says.

Colin flops down into a chair and says, "Oh, god."

  
Ed lets everyone have the rest of the day off.

  
"You," Katie says to Colin just as Colin heads out for dinner. "You're coming with me."

"I am?" It hasn't been a day for smiling, but Katie's worth one or two, Colin reckons.

She gives him a wink. "You are, and no excuses."

She drags him down to the hall to the lobby, where, of course, Tony and Bradley are already waiting for the lifts. Tony gives him a knowing look and says nothing. Colin tries to think of pro-feminist ways to murder Katie McGrath. Bradley doesn't even look at him.

The four of them stand there in an awkward silence until Katie chirps up and asks Tony, "Any word if Ripper's a go for this summer?" and then it's just the two of them talking, Colin studying his tennis shoes while Bradley looks at the walls, until Tony says in a different tone, "But really, the time I have now with all of you is too important for me to waste it worrying about what I can and can't change, don't you think?"

Right on cue the lift comes, and Tony ushers Katie in with a look for both Bradley and Colin, who wind up standing silently in the front like the world's most incompetent bodyguards.

They're halfway downstairs when Katie says suddenly, "No, you know what? This is a bad idea."

"What is?" says Colin. "Dinner?"

Bradley says, "I think dinner's a great idea, personally."

"I think maybe Katie's right," says Tony.

"I am," says Katie. "I am right. I think you two should go make up and make out, fix whatever your problem is, because I refuse to go endure another two weeks with both of you moping around like this. This is so silly, you're _friends_. Go do what friends do and apologize."

Bradley snorts. "Yeah, it's that simple."

Colin snaps, "With _normal_ people, it usually _is_ ," and Bradley grabs his elbow and _yanks_ and hisses back, "Seriously? Because I thought normal people didn't go around for weeks ignoring their best friend."

"Oh, come off it," Colin snaps, jerking away. Next to him Katie winces. "You won't even look at me and suddenly I'm your best friend? Oh, right, is this another one of your jokes?" and then Katie is jamming the button and Tony is dragging them off at the next floor and Bradley is yelling at Colin as if it's all _his fault_ before lapsing into a stony silence, and Tony winds up standing between them like a hall monitor before the next lift comes to take them back to their floor.

"You're both adults," he says when the lift stops. "I don't need to tell you how important a time this is for both of you. I've seen promising actors ruin their entire careers through moments like this. I'd prefer not to see it happen to either of you. You're both far too talented for that."

Colin darts a look over at Bradley. He looks like a thirteen-year-old who just got told off by the principle, red-faced and sullen and still somehow perfectly ridiculous.

Colin feels something heavy give way in his chest. He's never been anything but proud of Bradley, proud of them both. And, hey, _Anthony Stewart Head_ just called them talented, and right now they can't even enjoy it.

"We're okay, Tony," he says. His throat's dry, but he means it, and Tony nods and lets them off.

Colin's half afraid that Bradley will march back to his own room without a word, but instead Bradley gives him a quick look and marches back down the hallway to Colin's.

Colin lets him in, and turns on the light. The air in here is stuffy and Colin didn't have the maids come in this morning so there's leftover pizza still lying open from the night before. He and Angel had ordered in and watched marathons of Extras.

He can see Bradley guest-starring as himself. He'd be charming, dumb, cocky, oblivious. The perfect caricature of himself, and it would almost even be true.

Colin sighs and shut the door. Bradley turns and gives him a look, and Colin looks back, and then they just stare at each other for a ridiculously long moment, until Bradley swings his hands and says, "Look, I apologized. You don't seem to think either of us needs time to get used to this, so I don't know what you want from me."

"You don't even get why I was _angry_ with you, do you?"

"If you'd ever wanted to know whether I swung that way, Colin, all you had to do was ask, I would never have lied to you."

"It's not about that," says Colin, moving away from the door and into the room. Bradley's leaning against the countertop so Colin leans against the writing desk in the opposite corner. "I don't _care_ whether you like boys."

"Yes, you do," says Bradley bitterly. "Don't try to take back what you said in my trailer."

Colin parses this through, then swallows. "Fine, I won't."

"Good," says Bradley tightly.

"Look, this isn't a game," Colin snaps. He can't stop his own words. "If you're gay it's not like some costume you can just slip on and take off whenever you feel like it."

"I wasn't!" Bradley protests.

"Oh, really? What'd you think you were doing?"

"I - " Bradley runs a hand through his hair. "Look, most people would call it experimenting."

"Yeah, if that's really what it was," Colin says viciously. "It only ever was a joke with you, though, wasn't it?"

"Oh, come on, Colin, look around you," Bradley answers, and this may be the first time Colin has ever heard a real edge of anger enter his voice. "It's _been_ a joke. What do you think we're doing here? What do you think any of this is? You don't think they'll ever actually let Merlin and Arthur kiss, do you?"

Colin starts to fling back a retort and then stops, completely thrown off - not because the thought hasn't ever crossed his mind, but because he can't believe it's ever crossed Bradley's.

"What does any of that have to do with any of this?"

"Because it's the way things are," Bradley says. "Our whole - everything, this culture, this show. What do you think all the subtext is if it's not a game? It's supposed to be one giant cocktease. None if it's supposed to be serious. It's bollocks but that's how it is."

Colin takes a deep breath.

"And you can't blame me for it, either," Bradley says, and Colin swears that right this second he's wishing he had a sword so he could grip the hilt. "I wasn't hurting anyone - you're the one who assumed - "

"What?" Colin's voice flips a notch higher than normal. "How can you think it's my fault for assuming anything when you _kiss other men_? If anyone's an ass for thinking the wrong thing, it's you -"

"But I _didn't know how you felt_ \- "

"- for assuming you could just pretend to be gay whenever you felt like it and it wouldn't matter."

Bradley goes completely still, the way he did that day on the set, and Colin finishes bitterly:

"I mean, it must be nice for you to have the liberty of doing that, just turning it on and off again whenever you want. But a lot of people don't, you know."

"Cols," Bradley says.

"I came out to my parents when I was fifteen and my dad didn't speak to me for a month," Colin blurts, and then there's a thick, rough silence between them that isn't broken until Bradley crosses the space between them and takes Colin's face in his hands and kisses him on the mouth.

It's the last thing Colin's expecting so he gasps and goes still all over for half a moment before the warmth of Bradley's mouth really hits him, and he kisses back because it's warm and stupid and Bradley and hot and ridiculous and amazing.

Bradley's voice catches and he squirms closer, cupping Colin's chin in his giant palm and mouthing his way across Colin's cheekbone. Colin gasps again, for a completely different reason.

"Look, I don't want to guilt you into doing anything you don't want - " he tries nobly.

"Shut up," says Bradley, and, "Okay, right," Colin answers, and then they're pulling each other down to the bed.

"You're such an idiot," Bradley breathes against his skin, and, oh, god, his mouth is so lovely and hot and wet against Colin's throat it almost -

"M'not," Colin mumbles, arching into Bradley's mouth, fumbling for his shirt, and granted it takes him five tries just to pull it off of him, which supports the idiot theory, but, oh, god, Bradley is big-chested and muscled and he doesn't even notice the way Colin's gone slack against him when he pushes Colin back into the pillows.

"You are, you're the biggest idiot alive," Bradley insists, but follows this up by nipping his way across Colin's collarbone in a way that suggests he's okay with Colin's various mental deficiencies. He skims his hand down over Colin's chest, undoing buttons as he goes, and Colin wonders if he can just sort of lie here and be worked over by Bradley's hands and mouth and gorgeous gorgeous body as exchange for having been heartbroken and unprofessional for six days running. It seems only fair that Bradley do all the work now, and - oh, god, touching, that's very, very good, he can do that. He lets out some kind of verbal shiver and licks Bradley's ear, which is apparently the right thing to do because there quickly follows a lot more taking off of clothes and more squirming and touching and rubbing, and the upshot of it is that Bradley's thighs are broad and full and his ass is perfect and if Colin were any shorter his legs might not wrap so perfectly around Bradley's waist, but he does and it fits, and Bradley's breath stutters when Colin brushes the back of his leg with his toes.

"I'm sorry," Bradley whispers, "I'm sorry," and slides his hands beneath Colin's back and lifts him up when he brings their bodies together, like he knows what he's doing and is incidentally very _good_ at what he's doing.

"You're the biggest bullshitter, you - oh, oh, Bradley, that, _yes_ ," Colin says, and Bradley rocks against him and cradles him tight, murmuring hot, wet apologies into Colin's throat, pressing stupid, blind affection everywhere against his skin.

  
At the cast meeting on Wednesday they get the scripts for the season finale (renewed for round three, thank you _very_ much). There are hugs all round and everyone goes off to read. Shooting starts Friday, read-throughs the next morning.

Half an hour later, Colin hears Bradley yell, "Oh, _come ON_ , you have got to be KIDDING!" through the walls of his hotel room, and bursts out laughing. Guess he knows which page of the script Bradley's on.

"We won't be able to read this," Bradley announces five minutes later, failing to knock as usual (but Colin will forgive him just the once, or well, maybe all the times as long as his is the only room Bradley's entering).

(He's not going to think about that yet, anyway. The important thing is, just this moment, Bradley's here.)

"Have you read it? The bedroom scene? If they push it any further they'll get the show cancelled."

"I dunno," Colin says. "I think it's rather sweet," and Bradley throws his script at Colin's head before hopping on the bed next to him.

"Sweet," he repeats.

"Could be worse," says Colin, suppressing a grin when Bradley pulls him against his chest. He rolls over and pins Bradley's hips into place. Bradley rolls them lazily against Colin's.

"But where do we take these characters?" he says. "They can't just, you know - "

Colin fiddles with the edge of Bradley's shirt, fingers skimming his stomach. "Can't just what?"

Bradley meets his eyes for a second and then looks away. "They can't just stay this much in love and not act on it."

Colin leans in and kisses Bradley, slow and deep, just once, and then Bradley shifts, tugging him closer, one hand cupping the back of his head to ruffle Colin's hair and keep him there, nipping kisses along Bradley's jaw and over his temple while Bradleys movements against him grow even and steady.

"I dunno," he says, some while later. "I think they do act on it. Every time they fight for each other, sacrifice themselves for each other. They're always declaring things. Just not in so many words."

Bradley frowns, but lets Colin stretch out against him, carding his fingers through Colin's hair where it splays across his chest. "We could try reading it through, though, if you like," Colin murmurs. "See how it goes."

"Before tomorrow, you mean?"

"Right now," Colin says.

Bradley's eyes flick wide open.

Colin holds on to him and says, "It wasn't a betrayal - "

"Shut up," Arthur hisses. "I trusted you completely - I _loved_ you - and you - "

"- Tried to serve you in all things," Merlin answers desperately. "I swore I would follow you until I died - I swore to protect you--"

"Camelot needs no protection from a sorcerer. I don't even know you. I never knew you."

"Arthur, look at me - _look at me_."

Arthur does look at him, at last.

Merlin whispers, a breath away from the biggest relief of his life, "You do know me. You know who I am," and when Arthur reaches for him, Merlin follows.

  
The shock is so thick no one even calls cut, and when they break apart uncertainty passes between them before Bradley swallows and delivers the last lines of the scene, his hand still cupping Colin's face.

They act through the fadeaway, and still no one calls cut. Finally Bradley gives Colin's arm a squeeze, and Colin breaks scene with his stomach roiling and his hands shaking.

"There goes the third season," someone mutters into the stone-cold silence, and then Katie, fabulous, beautiful Katie McGrath, lets out a sudden long whoop of pure joy - _"It's about time!"_ \- and the entire set bursts into applause.

Colin breaks into a grin before he can stop himself. It's a long-shot, no matter what. Jeremy's already on the phone with Julian 1, already shaking his head and calling for thirty minutes.

Still. Maybe it's nothing, but maybe it's something.

He bumps Bradley's arm. Bradley looks a little pale, but he swings his arm around Colin's shoulder and smiles.

"So," says Colin conversationally. "Arthur's gay now." Bradley snorts, then ducks his head. It does nothing to hide the pink in his cheeks.

Colin leans into him, a warm and solid weight against his side. Bradley lets his fingers trail lightly over the back of Colin's neck.

"Yeah," he answers. "I guess we're more alike than I thought."

  


  
THE END

  


**[Epilogue.](http://bookshop.livejournal.com/963177.html?thread=34294889#t34294889) by [](http://suaine.livejournal.com/profile)[**suaine**](http://suaine.livejournal.com/) :**

They're in the cutting room, Jeremy glowering at all four of them, as if they are the reason this is even a question. Julian rolls the tape again, a frown on his face, looking like he's trying to figure out a complicated math problem. It's not, the math here is easy.

Jeremy wants to kick them. The rushes look gorgeous, he's never had so much genuine emotion in a static frame. It's bloody art and Jeremy can't ever direct for this show again if this ends here. Contract agreement be damned.

"I want it," Jeremy says and his voice sounds harsh in the silence after the kiss. He's a little surprised exactly how much he wants this.

Ben looks at him then, and Jeremy recognizes that expression. He's seen it on his own face in the reflection from the camera that shot this scene. Ben's script didn't include a kiss, but he's been working toward this more than any of them, pushing the characters ever closer. Ben nods.

"Jeremy is right," Ben says, "it's time to stop hedging our bets."

Johnny and other!Julian wear matching expressions of doom. Jeremy can't look at them. He says, "Doctor Who had Jack, you know they can't be that afraid of the backlash."

Julian rolls the tape again. Jeremy feels like yelling at him to stop with the bloody ogling, but he can't help himself, he gets drawn in again by the sheer brilliance of the scene. The silence after makes Jeremy want to hit something. Julian touches the screen, fascinated like a child, expression clearing suddenly, a bright smile replacing the doubt from before. He taps the screen.

"It's going to be a hard sell without Julie." It sounds like a yes and Jeremy finally allows himself to breathe.

Other!Julian turns off the equipment with the vicious push of a button, looking stormy and pissed off, and Jeremy wonders if maybe he hadn't known. Maybe, in two years of homoerotic subtext as thick as Arthur's head, Other!Julian hadn't been able to see it. Or had refused to see it.

Johnny puts a hand on Other!Julian's arm and they share a look, something like a special telepathy just for television producers. Then Julian deflates and Johnny shakes his head a little, small smile on his lips. It makes something like hope catch in Jeremy's chest.

"Alright then," Johnny says, "we can be those guys. I'll start calling people in the morning. We'll do a couple of private screenings, try to get a little back-up before we make the pitch."

Julian and Ben are grinning and Jeremy can feel that same grin on his own face.

"But don't think," Other!Julian finally says, "that this means we're turning this show into Hollyoaks. We're still on the same arc, we're still committed to the overall theme."

Johnny pats Other!Julian's arm. "It's okay, we can probably allow the characters some happiness."

And that's that. When December comes around and the audience stares slack-jawed at their gay hero, Jeremy can only smile. It's a public relations nightmare and they're on the brink for a while, but the fans - the fans make all the difference.


End file.
